I have a puzzle that’s not done yet. I started it, put some pieces together, had some wins and many disappointments. Then the results were coming, then I got unsure, then I got distracted while still trying to solve the original puzzle. I started doing 2 puzzles at one time, thinking one’s progress may fuel the other. Another mistake. And while I was doing the original puzzle, a tragedy striked. A personal tragedy. A very personal loss. Of our son. At full term. surprise. Not the kind you want.
Then while grieving, I was working on 2 puzzles. Then I had 2 more miscarriages back to back. Then I didn’t want to have kids anymore. So i continued to work on both puzzles while grieving full on. I was depressed, suicidal, sought therapy, felt better, worked more but always in a rush to complete the puzzles. And trying new strategies and struggling. For 4 years. While still puzzling 2 puzzles, I wanted to have kids again. I got pregnant, carried her full term and she came home a month early.
I had abandoned the original puzzle at that point. Only focusing on 2 new puzzles, motherhood and the shiny object puzzle. My baby was colicky for 2 months. My anxiety was through the roof. She was grieving the loss of her son again while having to manage and care for this new baby.
She abandoned both puzzles at this point and full on motherhood took over. 3rd puzzle.
She worked on her grief a lot more as she worked on only 1 puzzle, motherhood.
Now that motherhood is in a harmonious stage, baby is more independent. I survived India vacation alone with baby as a single parent 90% of the time.
And even in COVID, I got a handle on it.
And now in COVID and trying to apply for jobs, I got $2800/month coming in but I feel the call to rise as a coach.
The original puzzle, my original love of adventure and now mix it with service is calling my name.
2nd project, puzzle, calling my name is my Passion Project.
3rd puzzle is my book. To honor Jaydens life.
While I still mother in COVID times (4th puzzle and let’s be real, its for life)
Why do they all seem so important?
I don’t do well with multiple puzzles.
Need to choose one that really speaks to my heart and it will continue to.
Which one I won’t abandon? Which one will I regret not doing in 10 years?
*Evolved from the original puzzle. Building on that knowledge.
IDEA: 1 Puzzle only. Grief Coach.
* STREAMS:
1) Video content on YT, FB, LinkedIn – build on top
2) Book STILL.
Q) Are you willing to work on this puzzle, for as long as it takes? Yes, because its linked to keeping Jayden life alive and making it matter.
Q) Will you make money from it? Yes I am open to it but it won’t be required to pay my bills. Until it organically can. I’m open to it bringing money but not required because the govt and doterra chq covers me in COVID, till I find FT job and then that FT job will help me pay the bills and keep solving this puzzle for as long as it takes.
Q) What are possible hardships?
1) My mind telling me “I’m wasting my time”. And ofcourse I am not. I’m sharing and helping people. and I know alot. And I am gonna continue to learn lots. I’ve been through alot and I can use it to serve humankind. That’s my Jayden legacy. Because I love my baby and forver in love, i want to share forver in love and can help humankind of grieving moms feel whole again. Happy again without guilt. Be in Love with your baby in your heart forever.
I’m feeling excited by this. My body is expanding.
2nd objection: No one is listening. You have no subscribers.
Response: Who cares. Someone is always watching. Silently. When people need this, the right people, they will find this and watch it. Take it as help and you have made the world a better place. Just for that one perosnm do it. Do it now. Its worth it. Its in you to give. The goal is to share. Share the best, stiff that works. Stuff that reaches the heart even if its imperfect.
3) You don’t have any goals. Set some so you feel good achieving them?
I feel good doing the work. Period. I’m not trying to get anywhere. My only goal is to share and give, the best, to help one peron on a day. Thats it. Now get back to giving.
Grieving moms want to listen to Psychologists. You don’t have what it takes?
Well grieving moms may definitely need a psychologist help and I hope they will go get it. But a mother’s experience is also part of helaing their heart. To know that they are not alone and nothing is wrong with them even though the society may pressure or judge. They need to know this so I must do my work.
Q: Why must you do it? Why bother?
First of all, I am doing this in loving my son Jayden and making his life matter. 2nd I am doing it because we don’t have any brown people of color talking about this. I don’t want them to struggle alone. Like I did. Honoring these feelings there is a science behind the work. I want to be a spokeswoman for this so no one feels alone or misunderstood.
Q: Too busy or grieving again or any shiny object?
Cool. Maybe time to take a pause, feel my feelings and get back on track asap. No more shiny objects. Not getting on that hamster wheel. Unless it makes this service better or saves time or reaches more
Q: And someone else is doing amazing with their business? Yours doesn’t cut it in comparison.
This isn’t about how others are doing on their jouney. I celebrate their successes. I salute them. This is about me, my baby’s legacy, what I or my life experiences have to offer. There is only one comparison, can I give more than yesterday? Can I help one more grievibg mom?
Still Jayden's mom 